First in a series. In this blog series on negative emotions, I will discuss:
- Why you might want to consider getting rid of your negative emotions (and you can get rid of them);
- The potential positive impact this can have in your daily and work life;
- How to actually make them disappear;
- Questions often asked about negative emotions and why they seem so hard to resolve.
Please feel free to offer comments from your experience and ask any questions. Both your comments and questions are very welcome!
Are you bothered by negative emotions? Do you have feelings of anger, sadness, fear, guilt or hurt, that you can manage effectively, at least most of the time, and yet you’d actually prefer these emotions simply didn’t bother you so much? It may not be something you talk about or even think about very much, but these negative emotions are there and they may get in your way. If you feel they are obstacles in your path, or they hold you back from doing what you want to do, or they simply bother you, this might be a good time to consider whether you really want to get rid of them.
In this post, I will deal with the negative emotion of anger. While there is a lot of publicity about extreme anger and its negative impact in both the workplace and the home, the benefits of managing mild anger are too often overlooked.
Mild anger – i.e., anger which bothers us but doesn’t lead to extreme aggression or violence — is less obvious than extreme anger. However, its equally destructive consequences are pervasive and widespread. While there are rare possible situations where anger can be positive, unresolved anger is corrosive – it erodes trust in our relationships, undermines our connections with our loved ones and friends, hinders our ability to get things done effectively, and it can have very negative long term health consequences.
Actually one of the best reasons to pay attention to anger is the well documented negative impact of anger on health. For example, a recent study on anger was conducted by researcher Franco Bonaguidi and published by the Institute of Clinical Pysiology was presented at the European Society of Cardiology annual meeting. This study found that "People with a high score on the anger scale were 2.30 times more likely to have a heart attack in comparison with those with a low score on the same scale," according to Dr. Bonaguidi.
Very often it is much easier to see the presence and corrosive impact of anger in other people. If you feel the anger in some people you know is having a negative impact on you, and that they should manage their anger more effectively, consider the benefit to you if you focus on your own anger. Usually what we see in others, especially if we react to it, is actually part of us. Since you can much more easily change yourself than you can change someone else, this is a logical place to focus. You might actually be surprised at the benefits of resolving your own anger.
Here are some simple questions to help you decide whether there might be a significant benefit to you, if you work with your anger:
- Do you frequently lose patience with others?
- Are you often harshly critical of your friends and loved ones in your mind and thoughts?
- Do you often think (some of) your loved ones, friends, or co-workers are idiots?
- Do you blame others for your unhappiness or misfortune?
- Do you often find yourself getting angry for no good reason?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions you might consider working on your anger. There are many resources available. The best approach is to find a resource that can help you actually resolve your past anger, not just manage it. Our past anger can surge to the surface when we get angry and as a result our anger can have an intensity that is inappropriate and unwarranted by the present circumstances.
The kinesthetic charge of the anger in our memories can overwhelm us and make it extremely difficult to think clearly and behave effectively when we are angry. Seek a resource that focuses on helping you get rid of your past anger. One of the best techniques available today is Time Line Therapy® which can permanently remove negative emotions such as anger quickly and easily.
The impact of managing your own anger is potentially huge. You will be able to deal far more calmly and effectively with anger in others, because your own anger won't be triggered by their expressions of anger. With friends and at work, you will no longer attract people with anger management issues. Your loved ones, friends, and co-workers will respond well to the changes in you, you will feel better and get more done, and you’ll be more able to create the future you want.